Military partners often face a variety of challenges that can affect their emotional well-being. Center "Yarmiz" has been working for 5 years in the field of psychosocial support for veterans, servicemen of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, as well as their family members. During this time, it was possible to implement more than 30 projects, one of which was told to the "Veteran Media" team by the director and psychologist of the Center, Maryna Syrytsia.
Maryna Syrytsia is a psychologist and psychotherapist who has been working at the "Yarmiz" center with military personnel and their family members since 2016. Today, the Center's team is implementing a new project aimed at providing psychological support to family members of military personnel, namely, the training of psychologists who are ready to work with the families of those who are waiting for their loved ones from the war, as well as those who have already returned and are starting to adapt and integrate into society after service.
How the "Yarmiz" Center works
"Previously, our Center had more opportunities: we had a large room in which we provided an opportunity to support our physical and psychological condition. Today, we are looking for a new location for the Center so as not to slow down its functionality and not lose specialists, trainers and other team members. And also in order to continue to provide this support to veterans, military personnel and their family members, as we still receive requests to provide this support," says Maryna Syrytsia, director, founder and psychologist of the "Yarmiz" center.
As the founder notes, the activity of the center consists in strengthening the direction of psychological support for families, it is family and couple counseling. Work in the field of psychological support for families is important today, because, from the experience of "Yarmiz" specialists, they see that work with couples in Ukrainian society is not well-established.
"Greater emphasis is placed on single institutions for individual counseling of family members. But we definitely understand, that the family itself is the reliable and safe rear to which, one way or another, the military, veteran will definitely return. And there should be such a space where they will feel that they are waiting for him despite all the distrust of the state or some programs." - adds Maryna Syritsa.
The Center's team continues to hold support groups and individual psychological counseling for female partners who are waiting for their war partners. Because it is believed that in a state of war that does not end, there are constantly new conditions for waiting, stress and worries.
"We introduce our women to new conditions, we learn to wait so that when we return, there will be a woman who can create this environment for her partner who will return from the war. And not a place where there is existing burnout or apathy that remains after severe stress and tense waiting," she adds.
Project idea
In order to scale and further strengthen the institution of the family during the war, the specialists of the Center decided to implement another project and create methodical recommendations.
"We want to conduct training for psychologists and create a work methodology. Especially in small communities, where there are a large number of requests for couple counseling. Because we see that a large number of domestic violence, misunderstandings, episodes of betrayal, divorce, addictions to alcohol and drugs are increasing. And it is necessary to go to the reflection of the war and everything that happens to our servicemen. These are also invisible wounds of war, which are not yet spoken about separately, but which are already very visible", the psychologist notes.
The first steps foreseen in the framework of this project "Stable family - strong Ukraine" are: creation of methodological recommendations in the form of a manual. After creating the recommendations will be conducted a series of training sessions involving psychologists from communities and organizations that work with veterans, military personnel and their family members.
"After the training is completed, the authors of the manual and specialists will provide supervision on how to apply these recommendations in practice. And in the conditions that exist today. The trainings will be conducted with a certain number of people, as we aim to provide high-quality training. It will be of a hybrid type: offline in Kyiv and online," says Maryna Syrytsia.
The main goal is train qualified professionals to provide quality support in couple counseling for couples to gradually reduce the risks that arise in the realities of war. And also, popularize this institute at all levels.
"An important aspect in the implementation of this project, which actively supports and International Renaissance Foundation. there is interaction with psychologists in communities on a permanent basis. This will be done so that if they do not get a certain block in practice, so that we can analyze the reasons and "why it was not possible to do it". To gain experience with military personnel, veterans and their family members," the psychologist adds.
According to her, since the beginning of the war, few people worked with them, because there was a big gap in understanding how to work with them, and whether there are realities of whether it will be possible to do it.
"Today I see a different situation: a lot of couples are looking for support and ways to solve their problem in order to save their relationship. Now there is more accessibility and education. This is important, including when a man is at the front and will eventually return to his partner," she says.
War and relationships
The development of the manual and professional development of psychologists is an opportunity for specialists to influence the institution of the family during the war. Which is an important aspect, because the first thing a military man returns to is his family and the person with whom he plans to build his future.
"You have to learn not only to survive, but learning to live in the war phase. Not only military, but also those who are in the rear and waiting for their partner from the front. An important aspect that affects this is the lack of a safe space for this. And it is necessary to live in this "suspension and uncertainty" and look for something that gives the opportunity to "stay afloat", - says Maryna Syrytsia.
According to her, in addition to all obstacles in the form of stress and emotional exhaustion, there is the fact that young couples do not turn to specialists. The reasons for this vary and range from fear "not to take it out of the house" and the influence of upbringing in the family on the perception of psychologists in Ukrainian society.
"We tend to look for the culprit, and in this search there is a "stop" for solving problems. Relationships are like something third, and they require time, effort and work of both, to weave a part of the institution of the family. Therefore, all this work on interaction with families, their relations, war and community, in this case psychologists are a new asset of our society. A relationship has its own soul and it needs to be helped," she adds.
Some recommendations for those who are waiting:
- It is necessary to slow down and accept the reality that is: where there are certain events, where there is a certain need to make decisions, where there are challenges, where sometimes it is necessary to do something that is extremely difficult for the partner of a serviceman.
- Organize yourself and your space: daily life, habits, other household activities, which were previously undertaken by the partner, should now be done instead of him; for this, it is necessary to understand whether a person is able to do it on his own, or whether he needs external support. It is necessary to accept new challenges and divide priorities.
- Spend more time on emotional and physical rest: find time to relax, because constant tension leads to burnout
- Allow yourself to be imperfect, and not exhaust yourself even more.
"It is important to remember that the relationship is at a distance require special forms of interaction. This is communication at a distance, this means that I see less, feel this person less. Accordingly, when a feeling of longing arises, when you miss a person and he is not available, you will feel yourself alone And in order not to feel this loneliness, you should think how I can support yourself. And then I say "come on, you will at least write to me at a certain time." That is, learn to communicate and realize that this person is not always around. And this loneliness, you should learn to work it out, find how to support yourself in a good, kind way, interact, negotiate with your husband. Well, actually, the main rule is to learn to take care of yourself”, says Maryna Syrytsia, a psychologist at the Yarmiz Center.