Your loved one is currently in a situation of high stress and threat. And in order to cope with danger, the psyche and the brain change and adapt to new circumstances.
What's going on?
The way of thinking changes: the main focus is to complete a combat mission.
Siblings become the closest people - "there is another family."
Emotions "freeze", become inaccessible - as a defense mechanism in times of war.
Survival requires vigilance, constant vigilance, so to trust and relax is to put your life at risk.
Sometimes you have to do things that contradict your values, so you have to grow a "thick skin" and close up in order to complete the tasks.
Constantly control your fears and emotions, sometimes act against the instinct of self-preservation.
Working and living under chronic stress is exhausting, reduces reactions to a minimum, turns on the "energy saving mode".
All fighters and female fighters experience fear of the unknown, loss of connection and rejection.
All these new processes and mechanisms are needed to survive the war. After all, the main rule of the military: complete the task and survive.But you have also changed, because your life has been affected by huge changes.
Of course, all these changes affect your relationship and shape or strengthen certain moments of interaction:
you exchange vague and incomprehensible signals; the needs of each of you remain unexpressed\unsatisfied; it is difficult or impossible to reach out to a partner for reassurance, so as not to appear weak or receive a cold, withdrawn response. And then most often we close. This is where it is so important to recognize the changes that have taken place and to notice a certain pattern: when we are stressed, we need communication the most (for us, the loss of a relationship is a threat): We are persistently looking for a way to restore the relationship - Where are you? The rage of persistence and the rage of despair. Anxiety. Control - "You must respond!" (calls, messages; insults and accusations). Lack of feedback leads to depression and giving up effort (silence. withdrawn short messages. Lack of emotional contact). Alienation, isolation. The fear of losing the relationship and the feeling of powerlessness shapes our difficult conversations and conflicts, which are very similar, as if every argument follows the same script. There are three such scenarios: Search for the culprit (You attack, He attacks). Freeze and run away (You move away - He moves away). Combat kolomiyka (demand - move away; criticize - defend yourself). These scenarios (cycles) are the main enemy of your couple, and the Russian woman brought you into this cycle.So remember - the real enemy in your couple is not you and not him, but the Russian people and the circumstances into which thousands of Ukrainian families have fallen.
So let's not let the Russians destroy another world - YOURS.
The material was prepared within the framework of the project "Stable family - strong country".